


A Melancholy Soundtrack to Her Smile

by Bluehaven4220



Category: due South
Genre: Anniversary, Ballroom Dancing, F/M, Friendship, Platonic Kissing, Pre-Series, Ray stays the night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 06:41:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5617237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluehaven4220/pseuds/Bluehaven4220
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Under any other circumstances, a drink and a dance at a nice hotel would have been a recipe for romance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Melancholy Soundtrack to Her Smile

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by the marvelously talented ButterflyGhost. I am so lucky to know you and call you my friend!

I’m not really sure how it started, to be quite honest with you. I had gone to the Crystal Ballroom for a drink. It was just going to be a quiet little thing for myself, as it had been a year since my husband had passed away; that was where he had asked me to marry him. I figured it was the best way to remember him. I had planned it all out: I would get dressed up, take myself out for a drink or two, steal someone away for a dance, and then go home. Simple, easy, no strings attached.

I went through my closet and picked out a sleek little layered number I’d kept hidden in the back. I’d had it for so long I’d actually forgotten it was a very dark purple, not the black I seemed to have remembered it being. And when I put it on, it still fit perfectly. Dress sorted, I curled my hair and called a cab, got myself downtown and walked into the beautifully lit hotel bar. Since I wasn’t meeting anyone and wasn’t hungry, I figured there was no reason why I shouldn’t get myself a drink, as I’d intended.

So I sat at the bar nursing my cranberry vodka tonic and watched. It seemed that everyone who had come to dinner tonight either had a partner or knew how to dance. No one was a professional by any means, but it was a beautiful display of ability and most importantly, love. I’d always associated dancing with something good, and when Matt had asked me to marry him, we’d first danced to Tchaikovsky’s _Waltz of the Flowers_ before he’d knelt down. Of course I’d said yes. We’d only been married for five years before he’d gone and gotten himself shot on the job, leaving me alone.

And of course, here it was again. They were playing _Waltz of the Flowers._  I took a deep breath and forced myself to focus on the couples on the dance floor. I was so absorbed in what they were doing I didn’t even notice anything around me. And then- like a ghost from the past- there was Ray Kowalski, Matt’s old partner, standing next to me at the bar.

My heart jumped. To cover my shock, I swallowed the last of my drink. “Hi Ray.” My voice sounded almost steady as I put a ten down for the bartender, not exactly sure if I wanted anything more. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“Ah well, figured I’d stop by for a drink,” he smiled at me, holding out his hand. “May I have this dance?”

I chuckled, standing up and turning underneath his arm. “Of course you can.”

We joined the throng of couples twirling around the dance floor, the push and pull of him leading me around in a waltz a welcome familiarity, and today of all days, I couldn’t believe just how much I needed it.

“This is nice,” I rested my head on his shoulder as the dancing turned from a waltz into more of a casual swaying motion. “But I’ve got to ask, how did you know I’d be here?”

“I was Matt’s partner for over three years, Anna,” he answered, putting a hand on my back and walking with me over to his table where his jacket was still hanging over the back of his chair. “He told me that this is where he proposed to you, and with today being what it is, I figured this is where you’d be.”

“You’re very perceptive,” I smiled at him as he swung his jacket around and put it back on. “You miss him too, huh?”

“Absolutely,” he offered me his arm. “More than I can say. That man saved my ass more times than I can count. Are you ready to go?”

“I’ve had my drink. I did what I came here to do,” I answered, threading my arm through his and walking back out toward the front door.    

“Did you bring a jacket?” he asked as we stepped outside. I’d barely felt the cold going into the hotel.

“Oh shoot!” I moved to turn back and retrieve it from the bar. “I must have left it inside…” I turned to go back up the stairs when I suddenly froze. I had walked in so easily, but now it seemed too daunting, too impossible. “Ray, I don’t think I can go back in there,” I whispered just loud enough for him to hear me.

“Hey, hey, don’t worry, we’ll come back and get it in the morning,” Ray’s voice was gentle as he gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze and turned me around. “Here,” he stripped off his coat and put it around my shoulders. “Do you need a ride home?”

“I took a cab,” I gripped the inside of his jacket and pulled it tightly around my shoulders. “If you don’t mind?”

“Not at all,” he smiled at me and offered me his arm again. He signaled to the doorman that all was well, and led me back to his car. He opened the door for me and helped me in before going around to the driver’s side.

We drove back in silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable, we were just thinking our own thoughts. I was thinking about the apartment Matt and I had lived in together, the apartment with a spare bedroom for guests that I’d left after he died. It was absolutely terrible to think that the spare bedroom would have only ever been for guests, never a nursery. I didn’t want to be constantly reminded of what we could and should have had. Instead, I had found a new apartment, had given my mother-in-law everything of his that she wanted, and sold the rest, giving the profits to Matt’s favourite charities.

“So, uh, you all good?” Ray asked as we pulled into the parking lot of my apartment building. “I’ll walk you to the door, if you like.”

“That’d be nice, thank you,” I answered as he put the car in park and walked with me into the building. It was a smaller building, with only a few floors and a freight elevator, so we took the stairs, not speaking until we’d gotten to my front door.

“You want to come in?” I asked as I turned my key in the lock. “I think we both need to talk.”

He looked at me with sad eyes, and nodded. I leaned on the door and turned the knob, crooking my finger at him, urging him to follow me inside. I tossed my keys into the dish I had just inside my hall closet, and grabbed a hanger. I draped Ray’s jacket across it and smiled at him as he stuck his hand in his pockets, looking down at the floor.    

“Can I get you a drink?”

“Uh no, thanks,” he rubbed the back of his neck and let out a small laugh. “Do you mind if I, uh-” he pointed toward the stereo.

“Sure,” I smiled and watched as he popped in a tape and pushed play. “You know how to operate my stereo?”

“Matt showed me the last time we had a poker night,” he explained , holding out his hand. “Dance with me a bit?”

I chuckled, throwing my head back and feeling a few tears form in the corner of my eye. I rubbed a finger over my eyelid and nodded. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

Ray pulled me to him, and I rested my head on his shoulder again as we swayed to Rod Stewart’s _Have I Told You Lately that I Love You_. Normally I would have fallen to pieces at the thought of hearing it, but Matt had put it on a mix tape simply because he’d liked the song, said it reminded him of me, and he’d play it on the nights where I’d be working late or if he was gone on a stakeout for days on end and missed me…

I couldn’t stop it. I choked out a sob, and we stopped moving.

“I miss him so much,” I mumbled with my head still resting on Ray’s shoulder. “So much.” I pulled away and wiped my eyes with my fingers. I’d probably ruined my makeup. “I’m so sorry.”

“Shh,”  he pulled me back to him, and I felt him move his hand. He was rubbing slow circles on my back. “I know, Anna, it’s okay.” He bent down and kissed the top of my head. “I’ve got you.”

I felt another sob wrack my body, and Ray moved his hand under my chin. He made me look at him, a soft, abiding look in his eyes, and he kissed the tears running down my cheeks away.

That simple gesture was enough to get my emotions in check, and I pulled Ray close to me. We stood there together as the tape ran out, swaying and holding each other. I hadn’t known Ray all that well when he and Matt were working together. He’d come over for our annual summer barbecues, where we’d rent out a campground and ship the barbecue and supplies and tents out there so we could all have a weekend away.

“Tell me what you liked most about Matt,” I squeezed him tightly, careful not to lose my lifeline in Ray. “I mean, something he did, something he said?”

“Barbecues,” Ray answered almost immediately.  

I let out a laugh. “I was just thinking about that.”

“You were?”

“Yeah, I think that’s where I first met you.” I let go of him and went to the couch, pulling the throw pillows down onto the floor and arranging them so we’d be comfortable. He followed my lead, lying down on the floor with me and grabbing the blanket that was draped over the back. “Those barbecues were his idea, you know.” I readjusted the blanket so it covered both of us and curled in next to Ray, who had propped himself up on his elbow, listening to what I said. “He thought it would be a great idea for all of us to get to know each other outside of work. To just be Anna and Matt and Ray and anyone else who came along, without the titles and the work constantly on the brain.”

“Those were a lot of fun,” Ray acknowledged it, smiling as though he were remembering something funny that had happened on one of those cookout weekends. “What about you? What did you love most about Matt?”

I smiled back at him. “You mean, something he did, or how I felt about him?”

“Let’s hear both,” Ray ran his free hand up and down my arm, still propped up on his other elbow.

“There was a way he’d look at me,” I wasn’t imagining this, I was remembering. “Like I was the most beautiful woman in the world and he couldn’t wait to come home to me every night.” I gulped for air and cast my eyes to the floor as I mimicked Ray’s exact position, facing him. “That, and the ballroom dancing lessons.”

“You had lessons?” I heard Ray ask.

“Yeah, because the first time he asked me to dance, I said no,” I laid down and rested my head on the pillow. ‘”Told him I had two left feet,” I chuckled to myself. “And once I told him that, for my birthday, he bought us ballroom dancing lessons, even though I knew he didn’t need them. Matt said he didn’t want me to feel self-conscious, so we took them together. By the time we’d finished I was able to waltz, and that was what I’d hoped to be able to do.” I reached out and ran my index finger down Ray’s cheek, giving him a smile. “You know, you remind me of him. Not overtly, but a little bit.”

“I do?”

“That might be why you got along so well,” I reasoned. “You were always on the same page, always had each other’s backs. You were always laughing and making fun of each other, and at the same time, you had a great track record. What was it? Thirty-five cases solved in just a little over three months? I’m not a cop, but that sounds pretty good to me.”    

“You’re not wrong,” Ray answered, pulling her close and letting her settle in beside him. “He scared the shit outta me plenty of times, and that last time, just before he…”

“You can say it, Ray, it’s okay. What did he say just before he died?”

“He said,” Ray gulped, and I realized how difficult this was for him to say. “He said that,” he cleared his throat and looked away from me, trying to regain his composure. “I mean, he asked that if anything happened to him, would I look out for you, make sure you were okay.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I don’t think we were ready to have that conversation, and besides, I didn’t wanna spook you,” Ray answered. “Plus I wasn’t sure if I could, with everything that was going on.”

“But you did,” I couldn’t keep the confusion out of my voice. “You were always around. And I can’t ever repay you for that.”

“You don’t need to repay me for anything,” he insisted, rolling onto his back and staring up at the ceiling. “I’d never ask that of you.”

We lay beside each other for quite a while, staring at the ceiling. I’d turned the fan on to keep the air circulating just before I’d called for a cab, and it was still going. The blades rotating were suddenly very soothing, and I was so tired. I realized that, unless we moved now, there was no way either of us were going to be getting up off the floor. I looked over at Ray, who had draped his arm around his eyes to block out the light.

“Do you want to stay the night?” I  asked, forcing myself to sit down and lean back against the couch.

He moved his arm and stared at me with wide eyes, as though I had three heads. Sitting up, he reached for my hand and massaged my palm. “Are you sure?”

“I don’t want to be alone tonight, not with today being the day he died,” I continued, scrambling to make sense of what I’d asked him. “I don’t want to have sex; I just wondered if you’d sleep beside me, in case I wake up crying.”

“Have you ever woken up crying?” Ray stood up and extended his hand. I took it and he helped me to my feet.

“A few times,” I confessed, slipping my hand into his and leading him to the bedroom. “It’s gotten much better but... it’s really difficult tonight.”

“I get it,” he nodded, sitting down on the bed. It had been the only thing I’d saved from my marriage. Of course, I’d bought new sheets and pillows and a new blanket, but that bed was the most comfortable bed I’d ever slept in, and, in a small way, it reminded me of Matt. I also kept a photo of us on the nightstand, but I’d turned it around for the day, and with Ray here, it was going to stay that way. “Got an extra toothbrush?”

“In the bathroom. I’ll grab you a towel in the morning,” I nodded, climbing onto my side of the bed, the fact that I was still wearing my dress be damned. Ray followed suit, undoing his tie and throwing it onto the blanket box at the end of the bed.

We settled down together under the blanket and stared at each other, a little lost at what we should be doing. We were both a little too wound up to go straight to sleep, but at the same time, it had been a very long day for both of us; he looked like he’d gone fifteen rounds with the heavy bag, and it had hit back.

I inched closer to him and curled up beside him. He put his arm around me in response, and I turned my face up to look at him. Not knowing what else to do, I reached up and kissed him lightly on the mouth.

“Thank you, Ray,” I whispered. “I’m lucky to know you.”

“Ditto,” he kissed me once more and waited until I settled down beside him. He curled himself around my back, one arm wrapped around my torso, holding me close.

It was a good night.


End file.
